Is your spouse not following the divorce agreement? What’s the main trouble with divorce? It’s not the shattering of illusions, your heartbreaking, or the train coming to run over the divorcé. The main trouble with divorce is – your ex. If you could divorce without the ex constantly ruining things for you, wouldn’t that be grand?

Bet you have no idea how you ended up living with this unpleasant person who says “no” to every reasonable suggestion you offer, is hell-bent on having fought at all hours, and plain hates you, though you’ve done nothing to deserve it.

Common Reasons Why Ex-Spouses Disregard Divorce Settlements

How can an ex hurt you? Hitting is illegal. In a way, violence is easier to deal with because it’s defined, and you can involve the police. But what about emotional violence? Putting you down. Opposing all propositions. Haggling over every cent.

They are setting the kids against you, not letting you see them, telling the kids that you are not worth the time of day, making it difficult for you to communicate with the children, and arguing about the access schedule.

Judge Ordered Support Payments

Wanting an unreasonable schedule, sabotaging your plans, trying to control everything you do, even though you are no longer together, and demanding money, money, money. It’s like you don’t get to decide anything all of a sudden, yet you have to pay for the privilege nonstop. So how do you deal?

Short of inventing the time machine and never speaking to the nasty piece of work ten years ago? Your first impulse is to take the ex to court. After all, the ex is behaving unfairly – not letting you be with your kids, fighting with you, emotionally abusing you.

Indeed, a judge would see that? Actually, no. The judges do not deal with “nasty” and “unfair” much. They care about “legal.” “You will never see your kids” is illegal.

Not Following Divorce Agreement? Get An Attorney

But “Sure, you can see the kids. You can have them on Tuesday and Thursday nights. Tuesday is soccer, and Thursday is ballet. So you have to drive them across town, sit around for three hours, and pick them up. Then you can give them a bit of supper, and they go straight to bed.” That looks like access.

It isn’t real access because you should decide what the kids do on your nights, but it’s technically access. Not access you can live with. Your previous partner must follow the divorce agreement or hire an attorney.

Get Legal Advice From A Top Family Lawyer

I suggest that you get a lawyer in this situation. Not to go to court, no. You probably don’t want to go to court with something that’s not outright illegal. It would cost you much time and money and not get you back all that much. The same goes for mediation. The mediator has no power to make you agree.

But the lawyer can reach out to your ex, explain the consequences of going to court to your ex – financial and emotional – and be believed. “I will take you to court” is a pretty empty threat most of the time. “Here’s my lawyer,” quite miraculously, makes the ex sit up and listen. Even if your ex is not afraid to act like a jerk to you, anyone but a complete psychopath tends to reign in their bad behaviour when dealing with a stranger who is taking notes.

Not Following Divorce Agreement

The other mistake you are making when dealing with the unpleasant ex is believing you can somehow make them see the error of their ways. That if you explain how much they are hurting you, they will stop. Think about it. You could not get that person to behave nicely while still together.

What makes you think you’ll be more successful now? The advantage of having a lawyer is that your lawyer has no illusions about your ex and no expectations. The lawyer understands what can be enforced and how your ex can behave. But, regarding your ex, your lawyer has no feelings that would cloud judgment (well, one hopes). By hiring a lawyer to deal with this, you are also saving yourself from heartache and disappointment.

When your ex-partner is not following the divorce agreement, fill out the form on the side of this page.

Steps to Take When Your Ex-Spouse Ignores the Divorce Terms

The lawyer is there to save you from yourself. You know what has happened in your relationship and what is and isn’t the way for your ex to behave. Where you go wrong is assuming that what is fair in the context of your relationship is also what is fair in our legal system. Common law is a minefield because it has been shaped by years of arguments and policy-making.

Legal Recourses Available for Enforcing Divorce Agreements

Before you build expectations and risk not meeting them, it would help to know what you can realistically expect. In other words – get legal advice. If your expectations are realistic and your ex knows that court is possible, you might reach a resolution you can live with.

And – here’s the best part – once it’s done, you never have to deal with your ex again. Isn’t that something to look forward to? If your spouse is not following the divorce agreement, find a lawyer on our home page.