Are you looking for a divorce forum in Ottawa? Go ahead.  Help yourself.  Why can’t you be your own lawyer?

The old adage of “you wouldn’t do your own brain surgery, why handle your own court case” is nothing but a false metaphor.  Divorce is neither brain surgery, nor rocket science, even if lawyers are reluctant to admit it.

Nobody dies just from losing a civil case.  Take an evening off, sit down with your soon-to-be-ex over a couple of glasses of wine, and put that sucker to bed within an hour.

After all, your almost-ex is a lovely person, self-sufficient, easy-going, and not at all materialistic. They fully understand the importance of both parents in their children’s lives.

They want nothing from you except to see you happy in your new relationship.

The words “I curse the day you were born” (or something to that effect) were never issued from your ex’s sweet lips.  Except … wait.

If your ex is as awesome as all that, and so, presumably, are you – why are the two of you breaking up?

Divorce Forum In Ottawa Ontario

If you need a family lawyer in Ottawa, you can call us below. You can also use the button below to pick a time for the lawyer to call you directly.

Book a free consultation today to speak to a lawyer. You don’t want to get legal advice from random people on a divorce forum.

The main reason you want a lawyer, alas, is not the intricacies of family law and not the boredom of filing paperwork.

The main reason is that when you are breaking up with someone after ten years laden with heartache, misery, broken promises, screaming children, a hefty mortgage, her office flirtation, his one-night stand, the abominable mother-in-law.

“I would rather have my teeth pulled out through my eye sockets than spend another day living with you,” you all but hate the very person you once intended to love, honour and obey.

There is no possibility of a truly reasonable discussion with someone who mainly wants you expunged from this earth.  You need a buffer between you and the raging inferno that your marriage had become.

Nobody wants to hop into the pit of hell for free.  The person willing to do so for money (your money) is called – you guessed it – your lawyer.

Ottawa divorce forums are not good enough.

Getting a lawyer vs. using a divorce forum

The other difficulty that a divorcing couple is often unprepared for is that, in our world, “just,” “fair” and “legal” could mean completely different things.

Say, Alex and Blair were married for 15 years.  They have three kids they agree to parent equally.  But while Blair’s career took off and Blair is now a manager, Alex works only part-time and mainly looks after the children.

What is “fair” in this case?  Is it that Alex’s predicament is Alex’s own fault?

Nannies and daycares are available and with Alex’s degree, Alex could have been making more money than Blair.

Or is it that Blair managed to get ahead because Alex stayed behind and held the fort?  How much did Alex’s decision to stay at home contribute to Blair’s success?  Why should Blair pay Alex any support at all?

Financial Settlement

And if Blair ought to pay support, then how much and for how long?  How can Alex and Blair, already angry with each other, frustrated with daily flights, and still obliged to work, cook and take care of the children, work it out fairly and painlessly?

I don’t think they can.  If they could, they would have done so and been free of each other a long time ago.

The fact is, if we are not talking about Hitler, we are each entitled to our own “fair.”  Blair might have begged Alex to return to work.

Why does Blair now have to pay for Alex’s decision Blair never agreed with?  Alex could not work the crazy hours required – the children needed at least one parent at home.  The cost of a nanny is prohibitive.

They could never afford all those trips Blair was so partial to if they had a nanny.  The list of grievances is long – as long as Blair and Alex’s miserable marriage.

Ottawa Divorce Forum

“Fair” is buried somewhere six feet under.  The good news, however, is that your lawyer doesn’t care much for the elusive “fair.”

The lawyer will tell you what is “legal.”  And “Legal” is a surprisingly reliable concept, defined in legislation, bolstered by case law, respected by judges all over the country, and, most importantly, enforced.

“Legal” is not “fair.”  But unlike “fair,” it exists somewhere other than your own head.  It takes exceptional human beings to see past their personal “fair” to the more universal “just.”

Doing your own divorce in Ottawa

But again, if you are that kind of person, you stopped reading a long time ago.  Heck, you haven’t even started – you are not hanging out on a divorce forum, you are enjoying the fresh air with your lovely family.

For the rest of us, the ordinary, selfish, plain-thinking normal “us,” divorces are painful precisely because we can never fully see things from the other person’s point of view.

So we are stuck going in circles and shouting “not fair” until somebody competent and impartial comes along and pulls us apart.  If the person does it for free, they are your best friend.

But usually the only people willing to do it – and for money – are the lawyers.

Asking About A Consent Order On A Divorce Forum

I am very bothered by all this, incidentally.

If the world operated in a truly equitable way, the one where we could all see eye to eye, and agree on what is fair, just and reasonable, I’d be the first to toss my copy of the , Annotated, close my laptop and devote myself to water-skiing and drawing with pastels.

On the other hand, we have come a long way, you must admit.

Whereas only a hundred years ago a frequent sign of marital trouble was “he gave me syphilis and drank away all our money,” these days the middle class mainly objects to “not enough sex” or “not sufficiently invested in our relationship.”

Aftermath of divorce

Unlike Anna Karenina, none of us have to go under trains in the aftermath of divorce.  Except, if you are doing your own divorce, it might feel like poor Anna’s train is rolling right over you, every blasted day.

In Dante’s Inferno, the second circle of Hell was reserved for lovers.

People who had fun sex and then were stuck for eternity going in a circle, banging into stone walls.  I never truly appreciated Dante’s insight until I started doing family law.

Now, I see those couples whirling past me practically daily.  With only each other to thrash things out with, on and on the go, bang, ouch, ouch, bang.  Dante had been smarter when he took off on his trip to hell.