Are you wondering “Should I get a divorce?”

Your home situation is unhappy, and getting worse. “Date night” has become fight night, and counselling is a competition for the counsellor’s endorsement of yours/or his/her point of view.

Your marriage is a battlefield and you are taking no prisoners. Except yourself, and for many of you, your children.

It’s not that you haven’t considered getting legal advice – at this stage, of course, it has crossed your mind.

The alternative, to “wait for the end of time to hurry up and arrive” has lost its lustre and you fail to see any ongoing benefit to exposing yourself and your children to the emotional morass which has become substituted for the peaceful and enjoyable haven you once reliably found when safely ensconced within the four walls of your home.

But… there is the rub. How will you continue to keep a roof over your head?

Making the Decision: Should You Stay or Should You Go?

Divorce is a life-altering decision that can have significant consequences on an individual and their family. While some marriages can withstand the test of time, others can be irreparable. In this article, we will explore factors that can lead an individual to consider divorce and the impact it can have.

Studies have revealed that divorce can have severe consequences on mental and physical health. Divorcees are more likely to suffer from depression, anxiety, heart disease, and diabetes.

Children of divorce may experience behavioural problems, poor academic achievement, and a higher risk of drug and alcohol abuse.

There are several factors to consider before pursuing a divorce. Communication breakdown, infidelity, abuse, financial instability, and incompatibility can all contribute to a breakdown in a marriage.

Incompatibility is particularly common, with couples growing apart over time due to differences in values, interests, or goals.

Seeking support from friends

It is important to take a thoughtful approach when considering divorce. Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can be helpful in processing emotions and gaining perspective.

Counselling may be an option to work through issues and strengthen the relationship. Consulting with a lawyer can help to understand the legal implications of divorce.

Considering the impact on children is crucial. Minimizing the effects of divorce on children and prioritizing their well-being should be a priority. Making a plan for financial stability and practical considerations like housing options should also be a part of the decision-making process.

Divorce is a life-altering decision that should be carefully considered. Seeking support, counselling, consulting with a lawyer, and considering the impact on children are some steps that can be taken to guide the decision-making process.

Should I get a divorce or stay married?

On top of everything else, the partnership, you had intended to last a life ended far short of that, and for many of you, your children now contending with the emotional fallout of that reality, now you must worry about the consequences of separating your financial future and the prospect of hiring lawyers seems overwhelming, perhaps unachievable.

Particularly if you are the partner who earned, or owned, less during your marriage or common-law relationship.

Or, you have already thrown your hands up and walked away. Together the two of you sat down at the kitchen table and made your way through a Separation Agreement you downloaded from the internet, filling in the blanks as you went.

And you were so committed to ending the relationship that you agreed to something that you should not have. And now, because you did so, you believe you do not have the money to press for something a little juster.

Should I get a divorce checklist?

All is not lost. You may have the ability to ask your partner to contribute toward the cost of settling, or litigating, legal issues around the division of property, and provision of support to yourself, and where applicable to your children. Section 89 of the Family Law Act was crafted with people just like yourself in mind.

Where the legal test is met, a court can order your estranged partner to pay for your lawyer ‘upfront, with final responsibilities for legal fees to be confirmed once everything is settled.

Lawyers understand that divorce, or the dissolution of a relationship, is profoundly life-changing and for many people very traumatic. Where you have children or property together, it can also be very complicated.

We encourage you to consider instructing one of our team of family law specialists to step into the breach for you to deal with those issues, and very possibly, a way to remove some or all of the financial pressure inherent to the exercise, freeing you to focus your energies upon rebuilding your life.

Pros and Cons: Weighing Your Divorce Decision

Most marriages begin with two people falling in love, and they continue in like manner. “A successful marriage,” said Mignon McLaughlin, “requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”

While the movies make falling in love look like a matter of serendipity, a successful marriage is too important to leave up to chance. It takes work to keep it going, especially when troubles arise.

Experiencing difficulty in marriage is no need for panic; a struggling marriage is not a doomed marriage. Nor are you and your spouse incompatible after one or many fights.

Effects of Divorce on Children: What Research Says

Just like a car with its check-engine light turned on, your marriage just needs some attention and care to keep it performing at its best. Before you even begin to consider the long and expensive road to divorce, here are six practices that can restore your relationship to peak condition.

Taking the time to write things down is a good way to not only get your feelings across to your spouse but to understand them yourself. Even if you don’t share them with your spouse, writing these thoughts down is a good way to take stock of your situation and start making plans to fix it.

Stop asking the wrong questions

When a marriage grows strained, it’s common to ask, “Did I marry the right person?” According to relationship expert Mort Fertel, though, that’s feeding into the wrong mindset. “The key to succeeding in marriage is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found. Love is not a mystery.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe—like gravity, which governs flight—there are also relationship laws that, depending on your behaviour, dictate the outcome of your marriage. You don’t have to be ‘lucky in love.’ It’s not luck; it’s choice.”

Reexamine yourself

You might start to think that if only your spouse were to change a specific behaviour or practice you would be happy. But don’t fall into that trap. “Attempts to make your partner change invite defensiveness,” says marriage specialist Susan Heitler. “That strategy will get you nowhere.”

Instead, she suggests turning your focus inward. “Figure out what you want and then what you yourself might do differently to get it, becoming ‘self-centred’ in the best possible sense. When spouses look at what they themselves might do differently to get what they want, there’s progress.”

Give love and praise specifically

When the relationship is new and exciting, it’s easy to list the things you admire in your significant other. For example, you might love their particular brand of humour or how well they work with children. “The longer people are together, the less they mention these kinds of details,” says author Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.

“Think about how specific your criticisms are: ‘Why do you put so much water in the pasta pot?’ or ‘Why have you come home with five bananas when I told you three are going to be rotten?’ Be exactly that specific with your praise too.”

Should I Get A Divorce?

Sometimes the simplest answer to growing apart is to get close again. If you and your spouse are having issues, you’ve likely lost physical contact with one another. “Just touch in silence,” says Hilda Hutcherson, MD, professor at Columbia University.

She suggests starting small, like sitting close to one another while watching TV, and gradually working up to handholding, giving massages, and then cuddling in bed.

“Touch increases the hormone oxytocin and makes couples feel closer. It takes away that urge to attack. It helps you remember what attracted you to your partner in the first place.”

Financial Implications: The Hidden Costs of Divorce

Counselling is valuable for opening listening and communication. However, the experts agree that counselling is not a solve-all solution. It is much more important to learn how to be active. “Marriages change not because of what people say or how well they listen,” Fertel says. “Marriages change because of what people do.”

Lerner adds, “Each of us knows three things we can do to make our partner happier: clean the old fast-food wrappers out of the car, seduce him before the kids wake up and iron his T-shirts or whatever happens too easily and absolutely delight him. Name them—and do them, right now.”

Trying everything to make a marriage work gives you the peace of mind to know that you tried.  However, sometimes even with all the work, a divorce is inevitable.  

If you have decided to pursue a divorce after working on your marriage, lawyers are ready to help you through the process.  Please give a lawyer a call to set up your consultation.