Thinking of Reconciling With Your Ex?
Reconciling with your ex is a big decision to make. Simply because you and your spouse decided to go your separate ways through a divorce or separation does not mean the two of you cannot reconcile and try to put your marriage back together. Before you decide to give it another try, you should consider whether getting back with your spouse is the right thing to do and what options are available.
Reconciling With Your Ex… Should you reconcile?
Some marriages end because the parties went in to them with unrealistic expectations. The pressures and emotional strain associated with raising a family and meeting the financial obligations of supporting a household can prove to be too much for couples who did not take into consideration the duties and responsibilities of being married.
Before jumping getting back together with your ex, make certain you are doing so with your eyes wide open and fully aware of what it is that you are doing. Some of the things to take into consideration are the following:
- What issues caused the breakdown of the relationship? Have those issues been resolved, or have you merely forgotten about them or hope they have gone away?
- Is your spouse exerting pressure upon you to reconcile, or are each of you doing so of your own accord?
- If one or both of you were unfaithful to the other during the marriage, are each of you prepared to put it behind you and begin anew?
- If there are children, have you taken into consideration whether reconciling with your spouse is in their best interests?
You should not hesitate to seek advice from a psychologist or marriage counselor to help you determine if reconciliation is the best thing for you and your family.
What it takes to get back together?
If you decide that reconciliation with your spouse is the right thing for you, how to go about doing it has some legal implications. Couples who ended their relationship with a divorce that became final are no longer married. Rekindling the relationship is one thing, but reestablishing the marriage requires that you get married again.
You and your spouse might have separated without filing for divorce, so you continue to be legally married. If you and your spouse settled custody, support, property distribution and other marital issues through a written settlement or separation agreement, the fact that you get back together does not automatically cancel the agreement.
A separation agreement is a contract between the parties. Unless you included a clause in the agreement providing for its cancellation in the event you and your spouse reconciled, the agreement remains effective unless the parties agree in writing to cancel it.
Questions and Answers:
Q: Does anyone ever get back together once they start the separation process?
A: All the time! Many of clients had us start working on a separation agreement, and then they got back together. Most of the time, we just turn the separation agreement into a marriage agreement. They then sign a post marriage agreement. A separation agreement and a marriage agreement have the same costs.
Q: Does going through the mediation process help people get back together?
A: It can, sometimes working on a separation agreement during mediation can make people want to stay together. Discussing topics like child custody can encourage people to stay together for the children. Sometimes people think it’s easier to resolve their problems than deal with the divorce process.
Don’t be misled by the provisions of the Divorce Act into believing that reconciliation for more than 90 days results in a separation agreement being cancelled. There is a reference in the law to separated parties getting back together for longer than 90 days. It has to do with separation for a year or more being grounds for divorce.
Couples living separate and apart for at least one year may use it as grounds for a divorce. Cohabitation does not interrupt the one-year period as long as it is not for longer than 90 days.
Reconciling With Your Ex? Speak with a family lawyer
Learn more about your options before you reconcile by consulting with a lawyer practising in the area of family law. The advice and guidance provided by the lawyer can help you make the correct decision.