Reconciling with your ex is a big decision to make. Simply because you and your spouse decided to go your separate ways through a divorce or separation does not mean the two of you cannot reconcile and try to put your marriage back together.

Before you decide to give it another try, you should consider whether getting back with your spouse is the right thing to do and what options are available.

Rekindling a relationship with an ex can be tempting, but it’s essential to consider both the pros and cons before making a decision. While shared history and comfort can make getting back together appealing, unresolved issues and the challenge of rebuilding trust may pose challenges.

One of the most critical considerations when thinking of getting back together with an ex is the reason for the breakup in the first place. Whether it was infidelity, poor communication, or other fundamental incompatibilities, it’s important to determine whether those issues have been resolved before considering a reunion.

The trust was broken

If the trust is broken, rebuilding it can be a difficult and lengthy process. A lack of trust can significantly impede any attempt to rekindle a relationship, preventing it from moving forward. Moreover, reconciliation can also bring back hurt and negative emotions from the past, which can be challenging to overcome.

Before making a final decision, it’s essential to reflect on one’s motivation for reconciliation. Is it based on loneliness or a genuine desire to rebuild a relationship? Are both individuals willing to work together and seek support if necessary? Finally, understanding the motivation of the ex-partner for wanting to reconcile is vital.

Reconciling With Your Ex

While getting back together with an ex-partner can be tempting, it’s a decision that should be made thoughtfully and carefully. Seeking support from trusted sources can help navigate any potential challenges that may arise.

It’s essential to be honest with oneself and the ex-partner about the motivation for reconciliation and ensure that any issues from the previous relationship have been adequately resolved.

Reconciling With Your Ex… Should you reconcile?

Some marriages end because the parties went into them with unrealistic expectations.

The pressures and emotional strain associated with raising a family and meeting the financial obligations of supporting a household can prove to be too much for couples who do not take into consideration the duties and responsibilities of being married.

You should not hesitate to seek advice from a psychologist or marriage counsellor to help you determine if reconciliation is the best thing for you and your family.

What does it take to get back together?

If you decide that reconciliation with your spouse is the right thing for you, how to go about doing it has some legal implications. Couples who ended their relationship with a divorce that became final are no longer married. Rekindling the relationship is one thing, but reestablishing the marriage requires that you get married again.

You and your spouse might have separated without filing for divorce, so you continue to be legally married.

Did you and your spouse resolve custody, support, property distribution and other marital issues?

Written settlement or separation agreements

Was it done through a written settlement or separation agreement? Then the fact that you get back together does not automatically cancel the agreement.

A separation agreement is a contract between the parties. Unless you included a clause in the agreement providing for its cancellation in the event you and your spouse reconciled, the agreement remains effective.

This is unless the parties agree in writing to cancel it.

Before jumping back together with your ex, make certain you are doing so with your eyes wide open and fully aware of what it is that you are doing.

Some of the things to take into consideration are the following:

• What issues caused the breakdown of the relationship? Have those issues been resolved, or have you merely forgotten about them or hope they have gone away?
• Is your spouse exerting pressure upon you to reconcile, or are each of you doing so of your own accord?
• If one or both of you were unfaithful to the other during the marriage, are each of you prepared to put it behind you and begin anew?
• If there are children, have you taken into consideration whether reconciling with your spouse is in their best interests?

How do I approach my ex for reconciliation?

Reconciling with an ex can be a delicate situation, and it’s important to proceed thoughtfully. Here are some tips for approaching your ex:

You should first consider your motivation. Take time to reflect and determine whether you genuinely want to rebuild the relationship or are feeling lonely and vulnerable.

Approach your ex with respect and empathy. Acknowledge that they may not be interested in reconciliation and that they may need time to process.

Be clear and direct when communicating your intentions. Explain why you want to reconcile and what steps you are willing to take to make it work.

Listen actively to your ex’s perspective and feelings, and be open to their concerns and feedback.

Consider seeking support from a therapist or counsellor if you’re finding it challenging to navigate the process or communicate effectively.

In summary, it’s essential to approach an ex with respect, empathy, and clear communication. Take the time to reflect on your motivation and seek support if needed.

The Divorce Act

Don’t be misled by the provisions of the Divorce Act into believing that reconciliation for more than 90 days results in a separation agreement being cancelled.

Reconciling with your ex is complex, speak to a law firm first.

There is a reference in the law to separated parties getting back together for longer than 90 days. It has to do with separation for a year or more is grounds for divorce.

Couples living separately and apart for at least one year may use it as grounds for a divorce. Cohabitation does not interrupt the one-year period as long as it is not for longer than 90 days.

Learn more about your options before you reconcile by consulting with a lawyer practising in the area of family law. The advice and guidance provided by the lawyer can help you make the correct decision.

How long should I wait to reconcile with my ex?

Deciding when to reconcile with an ex-partner is a highly personal decision that depends on various factors, including the cause of the breakup, the amount of time since the split, and whether both parties have had a chance to reflect and grow.

In general, it’s crucial to give yourself and your ex some space and time to reflect after a breakup. This time apart can allow both of you to gain some perspective, deal with your emotions, and work on your personal growth and healing.

While there is no fixed timeline for when to reconcile, it’s important to consider the relationship’s specific circumstances. Some people may need a few weeks or months to reflect and work on themselves, while others may need several years.

Reconciling With Your Ex

It’s also essential to determine whether the issues that caused the breakup have been addressed and whether both parties are ready to work on the relationship together.

Without a willingness to work through problems and create a healthy relationship, reconciling may not be successful.

The decision to reconcile should be made based on genuine emotions and a desire to establish a healthy, satisfying relationship with your ex-partner. It’s important to take a thoughtful and truthful approach to consider reconciliation and to seek help from reliable sources if necessary.

Author: Alistair Vigier is the CEO of ClearWay Law